When we go on a date, it can be frustrating when the other person doesn’t show up, and even more so when they cancel the meeting at the last minute or fail to notify us. This is one of the main traits of a flaky person; that’s why we will discuss them and how to handle relationships and dates with them so you can understand them better.
What is a flaky person: A definition
Flakiness refers to individuals who are unreliable and cannot be depended on. During certain stages of a relationship, they may seem emotionally available, but they often let you down when it matters most.
A flaky person can create an unhealthy environment in a relationship, often leading to emotional distress and instability. When you cannot trust someone you should be able to, conflicts appear. Healthy, genuine relationships aren’t just about the fun moments; they also involve situations where you may need support.
Sings of a flaky person
They cancel plans more often than not.
This is the definition of a “flake.” It’s very frustrating when someone frequently cancels plans, which is often the first sign of this behavior. Flaky people tend to cancel at the last minute or may not show up at all.
They usually arrive late or leave early.
Licensed counselor William Schroder notes that flaky individuals often struggle with time management. This means they may arrive late to work, school, and events. They also tend to leave functions early, not wanting to linger. If you tell them to arrive earlier than other people, hoping they get there on time, they’re likely they’re
They are inconsistent with answering calls or texts.
Some people may respond quickly, but it’s common for them to either take a long time to react or not reply at all. This can be frustrating, especially when you’re trying to make plans with them.
To determine if someone might be unreliable, track how often they leave you hanging. However, keep in mind that there are various reasons someone might not return calls or texts, such as being overwhelmed with their schedule, dealing with depression, or feeling anxious. Try not to jump to conclusions about people who don’t respond promptly.
They rarely follow through on responsibilities.
Since flaky people often struggle with staying organized, they frequently overlook their obligations. For instance, they might fall behind on work or school activities or have trouble keeping their space clean.
They usually forget essential things.
Be mindful of whether they forget important dates, such as your birthday. One of their main characteristics is their forgetfulness. In addition to misplacing their belongings, they might forget important dates, stories, and details. Consider whether you feel frustrated when they fail to remember the information you’ve shared with them.
They promise more than they can deliver.
You may notice that a flaky friend or coworker commits to significant projects or offers assistance but frequently fails to follow through on their commitments. Sometimes, they might abandon the project altogether, while at other times, they may deliver only on some of their promises. Pay attention to how consistently they follow through to determine if someone is flaky.
The Emotional Risks of Dating a Flaky Person
In many situations, a flaky person tends to prioritize their comfort over yours, meaning you will never truly be their priority. They are likely to overlook your needs in a relationship and may adopt a neglectful attachment style to maintain your interest. They often resist commitment and can display a “hot and cold” behavior. One moment, they provide you with the emotional availability you need, and the next, they can become incredibly distant, which can be very frustrating.
Understanding the Motivations of Flaky People
Individuals who are flaky often share a fundamental psychological motivation: they struggle with decision-making. They tend to say “yes” to things before fully understanding whether they genuinely want to participate. This behavior may originate from a desire to avoid direct conflict; by responding with “yes” or “maybe,” they can defer a commitment while reserving their feelings for later.
It’s important not to judge this psychological state too harshly, as it can often stem from trauma or social anxiety. However, that does not mean you shouldn’t hold these individuals accountable for their actions.
The best ways to deal with a flaky person
In any dating situation, prioritizing your emotions is crucial. It’s easy to become infatuated, but it’s important to practice self-awareness and self-care. Recognize when specific flaky individuals are taking more from the relationship than they are contributing. This can be especially challenging if you have a shared history, but sometimes, it’s worth cutting these people off. Remember, your emotional well-being should always come first.
Let’s explore some constructive ways to prioritize yourself while still working on your relationship with someone you perceive as generally flaky.
Effective Communication
A flaky person often has poor communication skills, so a good way to break through those barriers is:
Dealing with a flaky person requires patience and a great deal of understanding. Actively listen when they talk, ensuring you truly hear them. Flakiness often stems from a feeling of being misunderstood. Please provide them with a safe space to share their emotions, as they may not be adept at doing so in a healthy manner. Be patient and understanding, serving as a conduit for their emotions. Establish a regular time for open discussions about each other’s feelings, creating a formal platform for sharing.
However, communication isn’t the only important aspect of a healthy relationship.
Setting Boundaries
Boundaries are essential in maintaining emotional health. Any intimate relationship must be built on the understanding that both partners are separate individuals with their own needs.
You are not expected to fulfill all their demands; instead, they should also respect your needs outside of the relationship. Therefore, it’s essential to establish clear communication boundaries as you build your relationship and never hesitate to express your concerns if you feel that your boundaries have been crossed.
Note: If you liked this article, perhaps you should read our article on Why You Should Stop Being a People-Pleaser?
Maintaining relationships
Sometimes, we have to deal with a flaky person, such as certain family members and/or friends. Here are some tips to help you navigate your interactions with them and provide them with some perspective.
- Let them know that your time is also valuable and that you sacrificed some of it to try to meet them that day.
- Inform them how much you value them but that their behavior is starting to affect your desire to connect with them.
- Let them know how their actions disrupt your life and emotionally affect you.
There’s nothing wrong in wanting that person to still be in your life, but make it a healthy interaction.
Alternative perspectives
When dating someone who is flaky, it’s easy to label their behavior as selfish or self-absorbed quickly. However, the reality is that many factors contribute to flakiness, and they often have little to do with a sense of superiority or dominance. Conditions like ADHD and various mental health issues can play a significant role in these tendencies. Instead of judging quickly, try to find the deeper issues that may be influencing their behavior. That’s why we try to look beyond this simplistic definition to the underlying layers.
Self-growth and resilience
As mentioned earlier, the number one priority in any romantic relationship is yourself. It’s not your job. It’s change this person or learn to live with their habits. You have your romantic journey, and you must realize it is yours and yours alone.
If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not just a temporary personality quirk; prioritize your well-being above all else. Not all romances are destined to last, and it’s a healthy and self-aware act to know when something has reached its conclusive point and that there’s nothing to be said or done.
Don’t let a flaky person affect your dating life.
Flaky behavior can sometimes arise from a person’s current relationship phase, and they may change as they grow more comfortable with intimacy. For others, it can indicate a deeper communication issue, which may not bode well for the relationship.
It’s essential to prioritize your well-being and trust your instincts to recognize when someone is simply wasting your time. As your relationship matures, you may need to adjust your expectations around intimacy. One thing is sure when it comes to dating: always prioritize your well-being over that of the other person.
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