In this article, we will try to explain the meaning of the Top and Bottom expressions. Many believe that it is all about sex; however, we believe that the roles are far beyond our bedroom activities. So, if you want to learn more, please stay with us.
Overview of The True Meaning of Top and Bottom
If you’ve undertaken queer dating, you’ve likely faced the inevitable question, “Are you a top or a bottom?” This question carries a lot of weight for several reasons. First off, there is no clear consensus on what defines a Top or a Bottom. Many associate Tops with Dominants (Doms) and view Bottoms as Submissives (Subs). The others consider the Top as the one who “gives” (i.e., penetrates) and the Bottom as the one who “receives” (i.e., is penetrated).
However, others interpret being a Top or Bottom as more than just a physical role; it’s a lifestyle choice. In this framework, a Top is someone who is typically more assertive and dominant, whereas a Bottom is the more passive partner.
So, what does this mean for defining Tops and Bottoms? And what if you identify as a Top in bed but don’t see yourself as assertive or dominant in your everyday life?
To clarify this complexity, Gray Muranaga has established “The Tri-Top Theory.” So, let’s find out more.
The roles in LGBT+ relationships
The roles we occupy in our relationships are much deeper than just what happens in the bedroom. Relationships are complex and multifaceted, involving emotions, tough conversations, and romance. From this, we can identify three essential roles in any relationship: sexual, emotional, and romantic.
Let’s break down what each of these roles means.
Sexual Roles
So, what does it mean to be a Sexual Top or Sexual Bottom? We believe that sex doesn’t have to involve penetration to be considered sex. Therefore, unless stated otherwise, these descriptions apply to both penetrative and non-penetrative sex.
Sexual Top
A Sexual Top is the person who often takes charge in bed and usually starts sexual activities. This person tends to be more active during sex. When penetration happens, the Sexual Top is the person doing the penetrating, as they are giving to their partner. However, the person receiving can also be in control or active.
Sexual Bottom
Those are people who go with the flow. They are passive and happy to receive anything that the Top will give them. Consequently, all pillow princesses are Sexual Bottoms, but not all Sexual Bottoms have to be pillow princesses. In opposition to Sexual Tops, during penetrative sex, the one being penetrated could be considered the Bottom. Overall, this is the person who tends to let someone else take the reins.
Sexual Vers
In sexual contexts, “vers” (short for versatile) refers to someone who enjoys both being the “top” (the giver or dominant partner) and the “bottom” (the receiver or submissive partner). A “vers” person can switch between these roles depending on their preference or the situation.
Emotional Roles
This role does not necessarily indicate who is more emotional in the relationship. However, emotions do come into play during hard conversations or emotionally charged situations. We could also call these the “Communication Roles” as well.
Emotional Top
This person, more often than not, initiates the hard conversations. They are clear and assertive about setting boundaries with whomever they need to. An Emotional Top is the type of person who prefers to have a conversation with someone about why the relationship isn’t working instead of just ghosting them. This could also correlate with being the type of person who more often reaches out to make plans than their companions.
Emotional Bottom
This person is often too shy, or too anxious, or even too proud to start anything that could be considered emotionally charged. This means that Emotional Bottoms struggle to set boundaries with the people around them. Consequently, Emotional Bottoms might have a habit of resorting to passive aggression as a way to express frustration. This person most likely prefers to end relationships rather than have that complicated conversation. For example, an Emotional Bottom is the person who’s waiting for you to send the first message on Tinder.
Emotional Verses
Similar to Sexual Verses, an Emotional Vers can either be someone who falls into the role of a Top or a Bottom, or they can take on either role depending on the situation or the partner.
Romantic Roles
A person’s Romantic Role could have some correlation with their Emotional Role, given that it’s pretty hard to have romance without emotional involvement. There are personal differences, though, which we’ll go through now.
Romantic Top
A Romantic Top is someone who takes charge of romantic activities. This person surprises their partner with gifts, plans weekend getaways, and treats their partner well. The Romantic Top is likely to be the one who proposes marriage, deciding on the location, time, and what they will wear. They also make sure to pay for dates before their partner can.
Romantic Bottom
This person loves to be pampered. A Romantic Bottom’s love language is All of the Above. And this role doesn’t need to involve money. This person could want some sweet good morning texts, or like their partner to give them a massage when they get home. Similar to an Emotional Bottom, a Romantic doesn’t often make the first move.
Romantic Vers
Following the pattern, a Romantic Vers is someone who aligns themselves between a Top and a Bottom, or can take on the role of a Top or a Bottom depending on the circumstances.
The conclusion of the True Meaning of Top and Bottom
Understanding relationship roles can vary for everyone. You might see yourself as an Emotional Top, even if you don’t fully agree with that label. Right now, you might think of yourself as a Romantic Bottom, but that could change in a few years, and you may identify differently later.
Not every relationship needs one person to take the Top role and another to take the Bottom role. Two Emotional Bottoms can also have a successful relationship, but it may require additional effort. Relationships do not have to meet societal expectations. They need love, respect, and communication. If you have these three elements and are willing to work on them, any relationship can flourish.
We believe understanding these roles can help us know ourselves better and strengthen our relationships, whether they are sexual, romantic, or platonic.
So, which roles do you identify with?
“Return to the main Gaytopia LGBTQ+ Well-being Hub for more articles.”
Take a look at
The Hardest Pills Gays Need to Swallow
In this article (The Hardest Pills Gays Need to Swallow), we will discuss some challenges that gay men face after
Gays in Ancient Greece
Gays in Ancient Greece Were the Ancient Greeks Gay-Friendly? In this article, Gay in Ancient Greece, we will briefly explain
References and sources:
Photo credits:
